Bugonia

Me: …and the thing is (BURP) that Ferrell and Kidman engaging in pseudo-necrophiliac cosplay is a thematic beat, not a plot one, so it easily could’ve been excised, but it wasn’t because it was important to get in their heads’n’all.

Bar patron: Lemme see if I gotchu right, you’re saying you don’t like Bulgaria because this film that has child molestation as a punchline is not messed up enough for your tastes?

Me: I didn’t say I disliked it! I said it paled compared…fuck it, pearls before swine.

Bar patron: What?

Me: (whips PBR at patron) Think fast, Cronkite!

5